A Sprite

Sounds like a fun challenge. 8 bit wars: C64 vs. Spectrum One of the nastiest system wars never touched American soil. This is a history of one battle, fought long ago in Italy. For those new to the scene: The Spectrum was a low cost computer: High resolution for the time, at a terrible price... The C64 was blessed with better than NES sound, and full color graphics - but only a skilled artist could get past the low resolution display... Which was better? Who knows? The best part is that the war is still being fought, even if it's a bit more tongue in cheek these days...

My roommate wants to be the neighborhood crazy cat lady. The DS allows her to live out this fantasy...

Anything but the top score earns a DUI. If I set a new record, I leave a beautiful corpse. DIE. More than three letters, and the high score table is where I blog.

Take a deep breath. This is going to get rough, and I need you calmed down before we continue. Ready? I watched a video. Before we go any further, let me say this - Nobody owes you a thing. Got that? If people don't want to watch your videos, they won't, and no amount of insults will bring up your view count. If screaming at bad videogames is a childish waste of time, what does that make screaming at bad videogame reviewers? At least they tell jokes. Also... Did it ever occur to you, that maybe you're doing something wrong? You are. But before we go there... There's a lot you're doing right. I wouldn't be here if I didn't find the video I watched entertaining. You have a good delivery, you know your videogame history, and you know how to make it relevant to today. So let's look at why that's not grabbing more viewers. 1. You don't tell anyone what you have to offer. Your videos are competing for eyes, and people have been burned before. Looking at any of your videos in a line-up, there's nothing in the title that I'll remember 10 minutes from now, unless I know who you are already. 2. You're practically hiding them. Add me to the list of people who didn't know you had youtube videos. The link on your site says only "Videos", which could mean commercials, speed runs, play throughs - anything, really. I never clicked on it before - usually, I head straight to the reviews. 3. You need more content - it's too soon to throw in the towel, don't you think? Look at the videogame critic - many people don't trust his reviews, his writing style ranges from poor to average, and he's a commited homophobe. But his site is still a must read, because it's well organized and exhaustive - I can disagree with him, but at least he gives me something to disagree with. So keep making videos. Please. I'm not your biggest fan, and I won't lose sleep at all if you stop - but if this is something you enjoy doing, you're one of the rare few who's qualified to be doing it... You do have something to offer an audience.

The absolute worst game I ever played? Are you sure you want to know? It's sitting on store shelves, possibly in a store close to you. Tigerz (DS). It's made by a respectable game company. It has charming graphicz, fair game control - even if you played it for 24 hourz straight, you'd never see what it doez wrong. It's not until you stop playing it that it turnz into a bad game. Let it sit for a week, or better yet, an entire month... When you return, you'll find an angry vet has taken away your animalz, because you are an evil neglectful monster, and their criez for help as they starved moved him to intervene. The only way you will ever see them again is if you earn enough money to take them back. Every day you fail to take them back addz to your bill. Your only option is to play the minigamez, and never lose a single one. You can only blame yourself, for going behind the back of those who depended on you, and seeing other gamez...

...you never owned as a child, and send them back in time to yourself. Which ones make the cut? Are any of them games that wouldn't do a thing for you now?

Nothing can make FF7 coherent. I'll never understand why it's so popular. Dungeons and Dragons meets Blade Runner, and they celebrate the union with a makeover at Hot Topic - what's not to understand? I hate the game, gave away the movie, but I still consider myself a fan of the FF7 world...unlike ShadowRun, you can at least believe the people there have a little imagination of their own.

1. Super Mario 3 - Bright primaries fade to autumn hues. A raccoon tail allows you to take a running leap far into the sky... Even a platform game hater like me knew when to surrender to the magic. 2. Super Mario 64 - Minimalist design took me safely out of the uncanny valley. It's one of the few games truly inspired by limited polygons instead of fighting them. 3. Super Mario World - I just dig the soundtrack. 4. Super Mario 2 USA - She floats. 5. Super Mario Land - New sprites. New art direction. Sure it's a step back - that's what makes it fun. 6. Super Mario Sunshine - Imagine if fire flowers talked to you. What would they say? "I hope it burns when you swallow!" probably. We'll never know, because in all the other Mario games, the power-ups don't talk to you. Or look like toys for pre-schoolers. No wonder why the Princess prefers Bowser, really. Mario's one stay at the Neverland Ranch away from being the scariest children's mascot ever. Also, they removed the bottomless pits of doom, and replaced them with tedious penalty laps around the pool. I dock points for any game that makes you long for death. 7. Super Mario Land 2 - Too many levels just fly by...especially once you have the rabbit ears.

Remember when you first logged onto the internet, or to a BBS, and discovered worlds of games you'd never heard of, never seen? Remember all the newbie arguments, sharing what you knew with those who didn't? The forgotten games. The forgotten systems. Remember the shared jokes that were the failures so bad it seemed as if their makers programmed in Crayola +? Remember watching as each system's emulation was deciphered, whether you were against, or waited eagerly for each new update...? So many people shared that experience at once, from all around the world, as the internet grew. That now we take it for granted... The Angry Video Game Nerd can become a youtube celebrity just by making jokes about obscure games most people have never even seen offline. Orchestras and rock bands alike play 8 bit. Add the WII, and the success of Geometry Wars, which is a tribute to retro shooters many of it's fans weren't even alive to see... And retrogaming is bigger than ever. But... For those who were there when the magic began, it's never going to be the same. The party's died down, a little. The guests are going their separate ways. Those that remain, are now taking the time to reflect on it all. But...it's still a party. Those who are staying up late won't stay quiet for long. It just takes the right song to get us started again.

Atari Games != Atari-Infogrames (aka G.T. Interactive with a new logo) My point is; the Atari logo hurts them, just as much as it hurt Atari.

The ports are wonderful, but the new games deserve a higher profile. Who's games should we be playing?

Good Nevermind that, the Earth needs heroes man! Priorities! Bad They won the battle, but I'll win the war. *starts another game* Good job. Best thing one can say about an entertainment product is you covered every complaint, and made all the hard work look effortless to an untrained eye. This was your first non-hack? Seriously? Any chance we could see an original IP?

Has anyone here played a modern Atari game? Ever since Pitfighter wowed arcade goers with it's graphics... NO, seriously, it did! I remember crowds of people around it, and when the Atari logo popped up they would all let out a cheer of "....Holy shit, this is an Atari?" because the logo was one they normally associated with horrible graphics, and whoever made this game clearly had a scanner. Flash forward to 2002, the GBA is being compared to a portable Super Nintendo, and despite the fact that nobody can actually see the games they are playing on it's non-backlit screen, we assume they must be great, because half of them are Super Nintendo games we already own. Seeing an opportunity, the new Atari releases V-Rally 3, and wows gamers by displaying a spinning polygon Atari logo! With curves and everything! Holy shit, this is an Atari!? Whoever made it clearly had a 3D graphics workstation! Also, a scanner, because those high-poly car models are clearly pasties, but nevermind that - The point is, the new Atari, like the old Atari, does have a soul and a philosophy: to prove it still has a pulse. Until set a higher goal for themselves, nobody's going to notice them, except to argue whether or not they're technically dead anyways.

You may not know this, but we give out high score patches for forum posts. Logic. Heart.

It's a pirate original. The graphics impress, but play control takes a hit.

Castlevania stale? Sure. I love the series, but Portrait of Ruin splashes bright colors all over the castle, then cut and pastes sprites from throughout the entire series inside, counting on nostalgia to make the series fans overlook the cartoon make-over. It's generic in the worst kind of Saturday morning way - clearly targeted towards kids, in a way that makes middle aged men feel their money has been well spent on protecting their investment, and makes everyone else feel soiled for liking it even a little. By the way, it's also one of the better of the recent games. For those who haven't tried it, Circle of the Moon features a wonderful soundtrack that will drive you insane once you hear the same song for an hour. The graphics are Sega Master system basic. Remember the classic 8 bit two frames strut? It returns. The card system, which is honestly brilliant, still combines the joy of killing the same monster thirty times in a row with the addictiveness of pulling slots in a casino where half the machines are broken. And I haven't mentioned the backtracking. If you've ever gotten lost while playing Metroid, it's like that, only the level designer made it mandatory. And it only gets worse with the next gba game. The music is now handled by the original Gameboy soundchip. The level design stretches for "Random level generator" quality, and almost makes it. Imagine dead ends, pinball worthy backtracking, and no way to warp through either of the two castles. You also lose the 8 bit strut. Everything is a 32 bit work of art...or would be, if the Advance had been built with a backlight when it was released. In order to make the game playable, everything was spraypainted in neon and pastels. Even the bats have bright blue outlines in order to scream "HERE I AM!" at players from up to two city blocks away. It's just tacky, and in a game where the main sidequest is collecting furniture in order to redecorate your room, that simply won't do. Let's just skip Aria of Sorrow for now. Buy it. You won't be sorry. Dawn of Sorrow is where the fall began. Just look at the main villian - That fucker fought Scrappy Doo. I'd stake my life on it. More about him in a minute. When you first play the game, you begin in one of the best Castlevania stages ever designed. Snow covers a modern town. Nevermind that it's the future, it's beautiful. You can leap on a van, and it'll shake, snow will fall off - little details that let you know someone cared about this game. The music thrills. Just listen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sof3x3IVuf8 The castle itself doesn't disappoint. The enemies have more variety than any other side scroller ever made. Bosses are living works of art. Even something as simple as summoning a harpy is given the kind of attention artists usually reserve for religious icons. Then it all goes to Hell. Remember the Scooby Doo villian? Every new character looks like him. Even the monsters. For the first time, Dracula's castle has "Scary Clowns" aiding the lord of darkness. You'll find them wandering the halls, next to Lilith, the first wife of Adam, most beloved by Lucifer. The entire game suffers from this schizophrenic approach. It's like the first team started the game, were slaughtered by the demons who advised them, and Konami handed off their work to a special needs adult education class to finish the very same night. By the time you reach the last level, fire has replaced snow, and the stage graphics are actually worse than Circle of the Moon. Unless they wanted it to look like a volcano erupted on Yoshi's Island. Maybe it's a symbol for innocence. The final boss is one of the series best, almost good enough to make you overlook the flaws of the game...almost. What went wrong? When did Konami make the decision that Castlevania was no longer a AAA product? Screenshots for the new game gives me hope that the series isn't dead yet. But I've been fooled before... I'm not sure I'll buy another game if I'm fooled again.

For me, every game I collect tells a story. Artists, musicians, writers, and programmers, all faced with the same limitations - how they face them, whether it brings out the best in them, or the worst - it inspires me. Especially since, sometimes, videogames, unlike other forms of art, let me add to what's on display. And when you place all the stories together, in the order they were created... You see simple symbols transform into mosaics of light and shadow. 2 dimensions become three. Lifeless faces learn to smile with more than their lips. Sounds become music. Music finds voice. Stages transform into alleyways filled with twists and turns... And it's all happened in just under 30 years. It's like the world exploded, and we created a new one right along side it, that anyone can escape to...rich or poor, young and old - where you can freely walk among the dreams of others. ( Sorry if that sounds pretentious - I don't know how else to say it. I suck at expressing myself... )

Random idea: What if you limited the amount of shots the player can fire? Make it so each stage plays out like a puzzle version of Berzerk, but with portals that can allow you to run/fire through walls, or enemies to shoot each other instead of you. Include a reset switch somewhere in the room in case the player screws up the goals you set. Or Make it so the ammunition ricochets, once you fire it at the beginning of the stage, and it's a race to make sure the portals lead it to where it needs to go, instead of killing you.

I think we might have a winner! Ditto. But we need twenty people to make suggestions before it's official. So... 1. Virus Scan - erase sensitive private data, without being seen. 2. Quarantine - Clean the contaminated area. Don't touch the infected. 3. Astroturf - Terrorists target the superbowl with deadly snipers positioned in the blimp overhead. Their plan is simple: Kill the guy laying down the astroturf, because they are bored up there. Can you, the simple guy laying down the astroturf, finish the job with a perfect score, while avoiding their laser sights so your girlfriend can see that you do commit, sometimes?

MegaMan IV on Gameboy over the NES versions of IV and V. Limited space means the levels loose a lot of fat - they're as lean as the stages in the original MegaMan 2. Lack of color means no colorblind set design - it's all sleek silver lights and midnight shadow. Add in a store where upgrades can be bought, and there's suddenly reason to collect what your enemies leave behind. Ninja Gaiden (NES) over Ninja Gaiden (SNES, part of Ninja Gaiden Trilogy.) and Ninja Gaiden ( PC Engine ) The music is neutered in SNES synth. All the good beats removed. In the Turbo version, they add the worst parallax scrolling ever seen. Centipede 5200 over Centipede 7800, NES, Genesis, and Arcade - better graphics. And now the spider hunts you...

I'm not a mathematical thinker. Apologies, if I am not as exact in my analysis as the others here. Good: Atmosphere: I had my doubts about Space Invaders for the 7800. It's been ported to nearly system out there, and most are slow paced shoot outs that wear their age a little too proudly - the impact of the original is lost in the name of purity of translation. Aliens shuffle into view, a shot takes them out. Rinse. Repeat. You get your quarter's worth...if you were there when the Invaders first landed. Yours doesn't suffer from that fate. Changing the options around allows me to set up the experience I remember, even if it's accuracy is a little lacking. Placing the game variations up front just begs one to explore them all. Kudos. Bad: The aliens in my playthrough stopped firing past a certain point. I have no idea if it was the due to the amount on screen, or how low they decended, but every near invasion was followed by the aliens deciding on an honorable suicide. I got to wave 5. I've never seen it before. Just to be sure, I played the arcade game again, and was wiped out in the first wave, when the last two kazikame aliens practically machine gunned me to death after they wiped out my bases... Random: Would it be possible to set up a gameplay mode that randomly changes the rules every round?

ET.

http://extras.ashens.com/vii.htm Any of this look familiar?

The Vii is a VGPocket with a new controller, and new built in games. http://extras.ashens.com/vii.htm The other difference is, you get all of the games the Vii has on cartridge built in to a portable system with a beautiful screen, that's DS lite quality. Hands up anyone who actually bought it? We've been trying to pimp it over in the dedicated consoles forum forever...

The fact that we're still talking about the games proves the IPs still had some cultural currency left. Once upon a time X-Men, Spiderman, Lord of the Rings, and James Bond were all seen as dead end licenses too, and the games of the time reflect that. Besides, it doesn't just have to be a movie that sparks the revival for the videogame - look at Scarface and The Warriors. If the game makers of the time put half the thought into games that the homebrew programmers do here, and allowed themselves the time to polish the mechanics, who knows what sequels we'd be playing now?