CatScraps

eBay Auction -- Item Number: 120678709366 Start your Super Bowl off right with a little:

Chapter 8 Several weeks have passed. Tom sits in his dimly lit dorm room. His eyes scan the digicenter for the time: 5:40 P.M. He feels slightly sick, his bones weak. His wrists feel numb. He wishes he could disconnect his hands from them. If it could free him. In his mind he screams. There is nothing to be desired. He has already looked upon the face of God. Or is it just that he cannot decide? Paralyzed, no movement of the body but no peace of mind. Only scratching and screaming. The darkness is coming down again. Like the flick of a switch, the heavy veil casts its shadow upon all his thoughts and perceptions. There is a small fire burning in the center of his chest. Here where old Light once sat a false light burns. The animal hatred reigns. Let it come upon you and have its way with you. Biting flesh. His head is on fire. Sweat and rage. He wants to kill his family. He wants to kill his roommate. Sit there. Sit with it. Watch the tiny snake, the size of pinpoint, squirming through the wood in the floor. Bite. Bite. You feel the wounds of Christ. You are my stinking flower. Pleasure – beast – pain – rebirth. You’ve destroyed your religion, you’ve destroyed your mind. He glances at the clock: 5:50 P.M. as the digits crack. A shattered diamond. Hear me backwards: Raul med sin. Climb. Wire. Belt. Symbol. Crack. Shatter. High. Get up on the bed. Worship me. Worship me. “Tom?! Are you ok, man?!” His roommate Chris interrupts. “You look pretty sick, dude. Maybe we should call someone…” “FUCK OFF! GET AWAY FUCKER!” Tom snarls. “Alright, man, I was just going to ask you to come out to the bar...Jeeze...what’s up your ass?” “YOUR FUCKING MOTHER’S CUNT!” he screams. “Dude, you really need to relax. I’m leaving. Fuck off.” Tom just sits there growling, occasionally barking, biting the flesh off his lower lip, causing it to bleed into his mouth. “Piss, fuck, cunt,” he grumbles softly.

The state of Maryland has been writing the popular “Ask Maryland” column for PARADE since 1990. Maryland is listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the 9th smallest state. Dear Maryland, My 18 year old son was charged with underage drinking and drug possession while vacationing with his friends in Ocean City, MD during Senior Week. Is there any way we can just pay the fine? We live in Jim Thorpe, Pennsylvania and it’s a 4 hour drive to Worcester County District Court. Our son is very sorry for what he did and we just want to put this incident behind us. Anonymous, Jim Thorpe, PA Dear reader, I feel for you and your family in this difficult time. Unfortunately, Worcester County’s policy is that your son must appear in court on the designated date. Failure to appear in court will result in a bench warrant for your son’s arrest. This is a felony and if caught he would face jail time. While you’re here, be sure to check out Paul Revere’s Smorgasbord on 2nd and Boardwalk. It’s great American food at an affordable price! Dear Maryland, One family leaves Jim Thorpe, Pennsylvania at 4:00 A.M. on Tuesday morning, a second family leaves Jim Thorpe, Pennsylvania at 10:00 A.M. on Monday morning. Both families have 18 year old sons who must appear in Worcester County District Court at 8:00 A.M. Tuesday morning for underage drinking and drug possession charges. Both families must travel 225 miles. The first family travels at a speed of 75 mph and stops for 10 minutes at McDonald’s for breakfast. The second family travels at a speed of 65 mph and stops for 1 hour for lunch at Friendly’s. The second family eats dinner Monday night at Paul Revere’s Smorgasbord and stays the night in a hotel. Both families plan to meet outside of the courthouse no later than 7:30 A.M. Tuesday morning. The second family’s hotel is 14 miles from the courthouse. The road from the hotel to the courthouse has a speed limit of 35 mph. It takes the second family 1 hour to get ready in the morning. What time should the second family’s son wake up on Tuesday morning so that both families arrive at the courthouse at the same time? Scott Wein, Jim Thorpe, PA Can you figure this one out readers? It’s NOT a trick question. Just take your time and work it out. The solution will be posted next Sunday.

Here with us tonight we have Marilyn Vos Savant, the beautiful young actress who played Mayor Elaine Walsh in the recent film E.T.: The Burning Inner Sun that is Lucifer’s Clock. Harry Potter: Welcome, Marilyn. Marilyn: Thank you, Harry. My pleasure. Harry: I understand you and your family just got back from a vacation in Ocean City, MD. How did that go? Beautiful tan by the way. Marilyn (laughs): Oh thank you. It was very relaxing. I did anal with Paul Revere. Harry: Oh you did? How precious. Do you like lobsters? Marilyn: Yes I like to lick and smack around lobsters. Harry: Very good. Very good. Now let’s talk about the AtariAge forums. Marilyn: My pleasure. I post on the AtariAge forums under the name Random Terrain. Harry: Very good then. Do you like pee pee and poo poo jokes? Marilyn: Yes I do. Please tell me one. Harry: A man walks up to a beautiful temptress named Iodine. He puts on three belt buckle hats. One is named Art Decco, one is named Art Rico, and one is Pee Pee Poo Poo! Marilyn: Ho ho ho ho!!! The sky is falling, the sky is falling. Harry: Here let me adjust that for you. The two begin doing social work at the YMCA. Harry: Your role as a seductive temptress must have been quite the rush. Did you give any handouts? Marilyn: Yes I give to the American Red Cross and Abortion. Harry: That’s all the time we have for tonight, coon hounds! We’ll leave the light on for ya!

Mmmmmm

The blue big brown balloons. I like to blow them up and let the air out. I like to eat lobster too. I lick that shit.

This auction ends at 6:20 ET on Super Bowl Sunday. I am an idiot. Thank you please bid now.

I love how something gets side dealed and someone says, "Good, then it went to a collector." EVERYTHING goes to collectors. Who else is buying vintage video games???? And guess what, if someone was in the business of buying stuff only to flip it, there are alot better things to do that with other than video games. These people you hate so much for reselling are actually collectors. So collectors aren't allowed to sell anymore?! I know a guy who owns his own buy/sell/trade shop and he's a diehard collector. Yeah, all of his stuff is potentially for sale, but that doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy it while he has it.... Just had to rant a little bit.

Colecovision games: Montezuma's Revenge and Star Wars the Arcade Game eBay Auction -- Item Number: 120678709366

If any of you have gone on vacation to Ocean City, MD in the 90's, depending on which hotel you stayed at, you may have seen this: This past summer my family and I went on our annual vacation to Ocean City, and to all of our surprise and delight, the old commercials were still playing on one of the channels on the TV! I rushed to the nearby CVS, bought their last package of VHS tapes, and decided it was my duty to preserve this classic. While everyone else was swimming in the ocean and relaxing on the beach, I was in the hotel room, rewiring the VCR connection to the TV. It only took about a half hour of rewiring before I was able to record. So I finally have the commercials for my own pleasure. But how on earth do you convert tapes to digital files? This Christmas I received the wonderful Pinnacle Dazzle studio software. This allows you to capture analog recordings and save them onto your computer. So finally the whole world can enjoy the magic. Some of my personal favs: "expertly sauced to perfection" "...why it'll almost make ya blush" "it's easy to get hooked..." "the dessert bar is democracy at its best" I also see the face of the man flambing (not sure how to spell that) in my dreams occasionally. Likely this will remain an in-joke with family members and people here will be left shrugging their shoulders. This is my first exploit into the world of YouTube. I plan to dig out some more VHS when I have the time and preserve some more rarities. It's hard finding things that aren't on YouTube, and I see no reason to post things that are already there. My brother and I joked that once this video was posted to YouTube we'd receive a letter which said, "Congratulations, thanks to your video now everything is on YouTube."

Chapter 7 At this time it would be useful to more closely examine the geological anomalies surrounding Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. Beginning in early 2012, scientists began observing a magnetic field coming up from the Susquehanna River and branching outward into the city. Over the years the force has steadily increased and more recently has taken on an eerie, almost humanlike quirkiness about how and when it manifests itself. Scientists are still divided on exactly what the cause is, some attributing it to the gradual slowing of the earth’s rotation, others blaming global warming or pollution. “Our floating City Island has beat out the capital building as Harrisburg’s number 1 tourist attraction,” boasts Mayor Elaine Walsh. “Visitors come from all over to marvel at the 8th Wonder of the World. We are blessed to have such a magnificent gift from God.” Mayor Walsh isn’t the only one to turn to religion for answers. “I’m not the only one who thinks this way; with all those politicians jumping off of buildings, God must’ve have gotten fed up it with – I sure as hell am,” commented resident Peter Graham, aged 77. It is an odd coincidence that the magnetic field mirrored the increasing suicide rate. By the time the forces began creeping into the city, some 40 or so suicides via jumping had occurred within 3 months’ time, most of them politicians accused of theft. Some have gone so far as to “tempt” the forces that be, throwing themselves off of buildings for fun, only to be saved at the last moment. A common joke among politicians is that it’s impossible to kill yourself in Harrisburg anymore, advising colleagues to try their luck jumping off of buildings in Scranton. The state debt is the main reason for allowing the E.T. crew to wreak havoc throughout the city. “The aliens have landed,” deadpanned a state worker who was too busy to tell us his name. He tripped over sleeping, vomit covered student filmmakers as he walked into his office Tuesday morning. Director Bruce McCulloch was spotted wearing sunglasses and smoking marijuana in a rented out judge’s chambers. “This whole thing is like an awakening. Wake up Harrisburg! Jesus loves you! The character of E.T. will crystallize as we go along. It isn’t up to me, anyway, it’s up to the people. Is E.T. a physical being? Is E.T. some sort of transcendental awareness? I don’t know yet, I haven’t given it much thought. There’s a lot of feelings that need to be captured, and the medium of film makes it quite difficult. Goddammit doesn’t anyone have a working headslot?!” As for Tom and Chris they’re still sleeping. Most likely they’ll be hung over when they wake this evening. There’s no agenda. There’s no movie. There’s nothing here but pleasure. Endless pleasure and endless diversion. Give them a few weeks before they realize where they really are. And you know McCulloch is winking somewhere behind those sunglasses.

July 15 2002 Farside calendar

Ahhh man Vic 20 JERIST