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Warning: AtariAge can be DANGEROUS to Your Health!


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Warning: AtariAge can be DANGEROUS to Your Health!

 

Walking on my way to work, I was reading AtariAge on my smartphone when a monstrous branch bedecked in thorns used this distraction to its advantage and leapt at my face to attack me. Its first blow slashed above my eye in a deliberate attempt to blind me. Momentarily stunned, I henceforth took to task and soundly smote the fiend.

Dazed as I was from this attack and with reduced vision from the crimson fluid ushering forth, I bravely dragged my wounded body to a facility that proved the urgent care I desperately needed. The wise and steadfast doctor was able to stem the tide from what surely would otherwise have been a mortal blow. My weakened and wounded body will take time to heal but with my doting wife by my side and by my resolve I will arise a better man.

I have long overlooked the safety issues of this site, but no more!

 

Here are a list of safety requirements to be implemented by AtariAge:

  1. Add a warning label at the top of every page that states "The Surgeon General has determined that viewing AtariAge can be hazardous to your health."
  2. Change site colors to yellow and black and get rid of the current calming blue and grey.
  3. Instructional safety videos will play on the left and right side of the web pages at all times.
  4. AtariAge will supply a 1-800 phone number to address any injury claims
  5. AtariAge will supply financial aid for next-of-kin
  6. Special safety goggles will be provided free of charge
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Ok, joking aside, I was a dumbass today. I was walking to work, paying too much attention to AtariAge on my smartphone, and walked into a low-hanging rose bush branch. A thorn got me good above the eye and a few drops of blood got onto my glasses ("reduced vision"). I snapped that branch off where it hung at eye level ("smote the fiend") so it wouldn't get anyone else. I walked to one of those urgent care places since the cut was rather close to my eye and the cut was a little deeper than the average cut. Stitches weren't necessary, but the doctor just put a couple drops of surgical glue on so that it would heal nicely. Everything should heal up quickly.

Of course, this was 100% my fault (no silly changes for AtariAge). I just thought I'd add a little entertainment for today.

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Those rules could have been written by the company I work for.

 

No walking and texting...check

No surfing AtariAge at work...check

Safety Goggles required...check

Corrective Action to prevent further issues...check

Right-to-know warning sign hung up (cheap and limits company liability)...check

Retraining via monthly instructional safety video...check

Daily 10 min group meeting to discuss ongoing proactive safety and process improvement ideas...ugh

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Did people used to walk around reading books back in the day?

 

Also, I'd swear Jason works in the oilpatch. I remember the days of trying to come up with "safety tips" - for a bunch of office workers whose biggest risk was a paper cut. :lol:

Chemical industry :)

 

Office workers report paper cuts and spilling 1 dram of water. I gash my finger and I'm pretty sure it happen at home ;-)

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