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You know you've been playing too much Zelda when...


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I had a dream last night. I was leaving my fiance's house in west S'port, crossing the railroad tracks and taking the side road that meanders it's way around on my commute back to my house in Southern Hills. It's a commute I take often.

 

So the little side road meanders for a bit rather than connect to the large 5-lane street leading home. Suddenly the pavement became dirt and I find myself driving through a meadow in my 2007 Kia Sportage. My old vehicle got wrecked in a rear end collision with another driver last month (their fault) so I got a "new" slightly used one, single owner, 150k miles.

 

But I digress. I look in my rear view mirror and see a guardian stalker acient tentacle monster thingies targeting my car so I floor the gas, kicking up clods of dirt to get away. The beam hits the rear passenger side of my car, smashing a couple windows and baking off the paint, even melting a hole on the body and instantly blown out my rear right tire. My hair is a bit singed but otherwise I am unharmed. The electrical system is all but fried at this point but the car is still in gear so I gun it. Front wheel drive so the blown rear tire doesn't prevent my getaway.

 

I see Hyrule Castle to my front left, about 10 o'clock position and another Guardian perking over the hillside. I say "phuck it, I've got to deal with these a**holes the hard way." I pull over and stop, grab the Master Sword and Hylian Shield from my back seat, and charge towards it on foot. I whack the thing to death, starting with it's nastly tentacle legs, parrying the beam with my shield, before it explodes dropping a bunch of random parts all over the grass.

 

I load the junk into my backpack and snack on a hearty truffle. I look behind me in time to see my car explode after being incinerated by a second blast from the first Guardian. Then I turn towards the castle, surrounded by the purple Malice spawned by Calamity Ganon. "Time to give this castle an enima..." I think to myself.

 

Then I woke up. And that's how I know I've been playing too much Zelda. Sometimes when I'm even riding my bike down the community recreational path, it parallels to Link riding a horse, and I'm actively scanning the horizon for breakable ore, shrooms, Bokoblins, and killable meat. I've been playing this game way too much... :dunce:

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