Noelio's Blog - Suicide... Tell a friend!

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Tuesday last week an old friend hung himself.

 

Some that knew him more intimately said they saw this coming a while. Others, like myself, who knew him from working with him years ago as well as the local motorsports circuit in the summer months would not believe he was capable or in that dark of a place. The last time I spoke with him was months ago. Everything seemed fine. He was his goofy and pleasant self, not a hint of the level of depression or self hate he was experiencing. Not a sign to be seen and no ill vibe to be felt.

 

Fast forward to now and people are coming out of the woodwork, "owning" his demise. Saying how they knew it was coming a while or how close they were to him and how sure they were that he would one day succeed in his quest to end his life. Some of his ex girlfriends are busy typing how much they loved him (Really? Didn't you all dump him?) in the forums and how they knew his dark side more than anyone, even one CONGRATULATING him on "finally getting his wish". Pffftttt!

 

What is really pissing me off is how none of these common friends said anything to me or anyone else that could have got down to the bare bones of the problem or helped them wrestle through one more non fatal day. Yes we all have busy lives and our own crushing blows to deal with from time to time. Our personal worst experience is the worst we know and can feel. To some, losing a girlfriend or a car to the repo man is as bad to them as losing a family member or seeing their city torn by war and having to search for the body parts of their family members in a crater. Personal hell is a personal thing and one's personal worst and as bad as it can possibly be for them. Some suffer in silence and some out loud. I would like to think that when we know someone is at their worst and feel they are a risk we would do everything in our power to stop them from killing themselves and hurting many other people.

 

I know things are bad for many (and have been for a while for some) and that we all have at least thought, at some point in our lives, how nice it would be to sleep it off rather than face the day or even put ourselves out of our misery.

This case is no different. I'm not trying to own my friends death, but it kills me to know I could have done something IF I KNEW. Maybe I couldn't have done anything, but at least I could have tried and shook this feeling I have of "what if I did this... Or this..." It's a human thing to think such things even when we know there was nothing we could have done because we didn't know!

 

In these times where people are losing it all, we really have to keep our ears, eyes and intuition tuned to those in trouble and be ready to spring into action. I know for a fact that I could have at least had a long chat with my dead friend. We had enough rapport to discuss anything. It's just in the macho motorhead world heart to hearts are rare. I'm angry, sad and sorry at the same time but not in a position to lose a tear right now nor another layer of enamel from my molars. I just wish that if anyone knows someone on the verge of collapse, have the heart to drop what you are doing and let someone that *can help* know, if you can't help any other way. Not the loony bin or the law enforcement people, that will only compound the problem and add to the motivation, I mean common friends that have some ability to help or a different level of rapport with the torn soul. Someone who will let the person know how much they will hurt those they love by pulling the trigger, tying the knot, popping the jonnys, cutting down the tracks or jumping from the bridge.

 

Not to lecture the dead, however I thought about what I'd do if I ever got to that point. Well I'd think about some of these things:

 

-Join the army and volunteer for the front line or to deliver a package.

-Peace Corp!

-Missionary/Aid work.

-Volunteer at a shelter for the homeless or for homeless animals.

-Talk to a church leader, even if you have no faith. Heck even start by saying you have no faith and that your life is now disposable.

-Take the craziest risk known to man. Strip naked, hire a helicopter and ski down Everest. Broadcast to the world how your hatred for yourself made you do it.

-Smash a window to a police station and go to jail a while, stew on it with no outside interruption or pressure.

-Visit those that you feel hurt you and let them know how you feel. Nicely, however, and disconnect the lines between you and them permanently. Do this within moral and legal bounds of course.

-Write yourself a suicide note and try to tell yourself why you did it. Take those points and use them as a checklist of your things to fix.

 

Looking back on some of the greatest stories in my circle of friends and family. There are some people that shine brightly as success stories that have done some of the things above. When you ask them how they motivated themselves, in many cases, they say that they had nothing else to live for or do, threw a dart on a map and went to where it landed. Anywhere but here with anyone but us. ANYTHING OTHER THAN DIE, killing a piece of everyone that cares. Believe me, even if you have not one friend, there's someone that you could have helped or been a positive part of their life, now leaving a void or a space to be possibly filled with a negative. "The Butterfly Effect" really captures this notion of personal influence on a social network. There's been a lot of unexpected hardship around here lately and a lot of people testing out the life insurance system. I've known 3 in the past year.

 

I found myself, tonight, preventing such a case. Not by taking the gun away or by hiding the knives but by talking to a friend over coffee and discovering a major source of stress I never knew of before that is driving them over the edge. The reason I got them out for a while is because someone close to them had the balls to call me and let me know that they are extremely worried about him and fear the worst any time now. This friend is very much down and out to the point he's about to lose everything. He doesn't and never did ask for anything or talk about how bad things are even though we have a friendship that goes back to high school. Only for the call I wouldn't have known anything was wrong. Hats off to those folks!

 

The conversation eventually lead where I wanted it to go, 2 coffees, a spin about town and a 45 minute flight simulator later. His problems were well within my means to instantly rectify, as small as most would say they were but the worst possible to him, from his personal experience. COMPLETELY FIXABLE in 60 seconds! I told him to not tell a soul, no one, DO NOT pay me back and do not fall down like that again. It's a delayed christmas gift from God and God only and it's a once off and to pay it forward. Who knows how my life will be next year? I know I can tell him anything and count on him to the best of his ability and my problems should they ever develop should be well within his means to fix as he's usually doing pretty good, I thought he was earlier today! He did indicate his possible intentions to people he thought would brush it off. Instead they had the foresight to prevent a very possible, immanent suicide. I only wish I had known about my other, more distant friend, the monday before last.

 

PLEASE... If you are at the end of your rope, do anything other than what you are about to do. You are killing a little piece of what's left GOOD in the world and killing those you love in ways you cannot imagine. What bothers me now is that I see so many people losing it all well outside my circle, but I fail to see those inside my circle. A lot of us are going to be tested soon enough and we have to be on the watch as more things go down the shitter.

 

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