NEWS: North Korea Boycotts the 2004 Atarilympics

[Atari Charles]

In a first time ever, North Korean Chairman Kim Jong-Il has announced that his team DPRK "North Korea" has chosen to boycott the Atarilympics. Atari Charles along with other competitors in the Atarilympics and of the Atari Age forums has choosen not to compete in the 2004 Atarilympics, due to America's and the deviant Aqua Team Hunger Force who both install ideals contrary to the Juche ideal created by Kim Il-Song.

 

However, Team North Korea invites the princess from Custer's Revenge and the Beat'em and Eat'em female athletes to the Paradise Kingdom to join Kim Jong-Il's Private Assistant Core.

 

As North Korea believes that the Atari 2600 is the most up to date and advanced computer/game system released currently.

 

A quote from Kim Jong Il states as follows, "We as a people are dissappointed at the unfortunate result of America's and Aqua Team Hunger Force's involvement in the current 2004 Atrilympics. We are confident that we would have won gold on all events. Perhaps the US and those deviants at Aqua Team Hunger Force(especially Master Shake) will have more understanding in the delicate affairs and interests of North Korea and its athletes and more importantly its people. Furthermore, we are confident and hopeful of Team North Korea's involvement in the Atari Winter Olympics."

 

Aug-2004

[Mr.FoodMonster]

Pst... you wrote our team name wrong.

[Atari Charles]

Oops.

[Max-T]

That is freaking hilarious. I usually don't write a pintless post, e.g. "that is freaking hilarious", but I couldn't help myself this time.

 

Over the weekend I read an article interviewing a French chef (French? why???) who was personally flown to Korea by Kim Jong-Il in order to make pizza for him at a weekend retreat. The chef was terrified, from his account. Under armed gurad the entire time he was tossing the dough, I'm sure.

 

Then there's the story of North Korea's missile program, many of whose valiant designs carry the "dong" moniker, e.g. the inimitable No-Dong:

 

http://fas.org/nuke/guide/dprk/missile/nd-1.htm

 

I swear I recently heard of one called the Long Dong, or something very similar, but I couldn't find a hard reference to that, but anyway... Anyone happen to have a Korean-built camo painted VCS for sale? I'm looking to buy one? Thanks!

[Ze_ro]

I swear I recently heard of one called the Long Dong, or something very similar, but I couldn't find a hard reference to that

Would a flaccid reference do?

 

As for the boycott, I'm sorry that North Korea has declined to participate, but the games will continue without or without them. The Atarilympics has a long, 2 week history of uniting the free, classic game playing world in a celebration of peace and friendly competition, and will continue to do so. The North Korean bid to hold the Atarilympics on a forum in P'yongyang was denied for a number of good reasons (which will not be mentioned here). If you wish to submit a bid for the 2012 games, we would be willing to give it due consideration.

 

--Zero, president of the International Atarilympics Committee

[Atari Charles]

Declaration of Involvement in Atari Winter Olympics

 

Pyongyang, August 20 (KCNA) --North Korean officials met with the Atarilympics committee in Pyongyang this week to discuss the possibility of further involvemnet in the very speculative Atari Winter Olympics.

The discussions called for pooling the strength and wisdom of the Atarilympics to work with and include teams from varoius countries and ideals.

Officials and fans alike of DPRK are very dissappointed that the Atarilympics were not held in Pyongyang, DPRK. Marshall Kim Jong-Il was quoted as saying that it is very possible for the Korean people to get over this disagreement with Atarilympic officials and to hopefully continue talks which would lead to North Korea's involvement in the Atari Winter Olympics. Marshall Kim Jong-Il also mentioned that he doesn't understand why other Atari Teams claim that the Atari 2600 is a twenty or more year old system. This cannot be as the Atari 2600 was just recently released in the DPRK(North Korea).

In related news, a new law has been passed outlawing the Atari 2600 games "Custer's Revenge," and "Beat em and Eat em" in the DPRK due to the insideous nature of such games to demoralize and corrupt the people and ideals of the Juche philosophy created by the eternal leader Kim Il-Song.

[Bruce Tomlin]

"Paint It Black" Based on the performance by The Rolling Stones

"Kim Jong IL" Parody by Johnny D

 

There is a dictator whose name is Kim Jong IL

It's understatement to call him mentally ill

Why don't we trust him and call back our spys and spooks?

Because that psycho-nutcase probably has nukes!

 

If secret agents kidnapped him and brought him back

And locked him in a padded cell that's painted black

They'd hear him scream all night in psychiatric pain

At every demon writhing in his squirming brain

 

The Chinese know he's nuts – the Russians know it too

The Japanese would like to lock him in a zoo

Bravely all the South Korean citizens stand their ground

They won't be terrorized by any psychotic clown

 

Hallucinations of gargoyles inside his head

Their rasping voices whisper to him that he's dead

If there's no hope to heal his mental Yin-and-Yang

Let's hope they overthrow that nutcase in Pyongyang

 

Then peace would come to the peninsula at last

Korean people could come to terms with their past

Then all Koreans would be free to live as one

No more North versus South, no DMZ with guns

 

Hmm, hmm, hmm,...

They wanna see their freedom, freedom now

In Pyongyang, and in Seol

They wanna see their tears blotted out from their eyes

They wanna see their freedom, freedom, freedom, freedom now

Yeah!

[BlackAtarian]

bang