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DoctorSpuds Reviews Things - Monday Box Review! (Mystique)


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Okay so despite already doing a box review this past week I’m still going to do one this Monday, because consistency. Usually I will hem and haw in front of my shelf for several minutes when choosing a box to review but today was different; it almost seemed as if the boxes were calling out to me. It seems that nobody, not even a potato on the internet, can resist the power of pornography. Yes we’re looking at the Mystique boxes today, and even though I only have two of the three I think I can still give a fair and balanced review. I will just say off the bat that these are some of the most striking boxes in the entire 2600 library, and are sure to catch anyone’s eye.

These are by far the thickest boxes the 2600 has to offer, due to the unique method of packaging the game inside a case inside the box, the overall size had to be a bit larger than a standard box. The boxes are in a gatefold style which automatically get’s into my good books because I’m a sucker for gatefold boxes. The overall designs are fairly cookie cutter with the only differences being the color of the box, title of the game, and picture on the front. Honestly I feel that the pictures are the worst part of the boxes overall, with the exception of Bachelor Party which just looks like the cover for a cheap softcore Skinemax affair. Beat ‘em & Eat ‘em looks like it was drawn by a first year art student depicting a fiery redhead licking an ice cream cone with an abnormally long tongue, her hand is also weirdly plump and her eyes would scare Satan half to death. The Custer’s Revenge art is bad for a different reason… So you have a very realistic painting of a woman tied to a totem pole and what do you add to it? Some hairy man-ass… Hairy man-ass that isn’t even drawn in the same style, she’s drawn realistically while he’s drawn cheaper than a Hanna Barbera cartoon, completely ruining any possible aesthetic that could have possibly been portrayed from this work of “art”. The boxes themselves are surprisingly fragile and prone to being dented and crushed, likely due to the large amount of empty space inside the box. Thankfully most boxes will show up in good shape, though I would recommend against dropping them since even a short drop could cause irreparable damage. Overall I feeling that Mystique spared no expense when making these boxes, the printing is high quality, even if what’s being printed is not, and all of the boxes have a nice shiny finish on them that just screams ‘quality’ and being gatefold doesn’t hurt.

The manuals are in the same style as Mythicon’s, small cartridge sized manuals that are folded pamphlet-style and are full of blocks of text. Each manual has 1000+ words in them, and Custer’s Revenge has over 1200+ which seems a bit excessive if you ask me. The only artwork on these things is the box art printed on the front of the manual, otherwise it’s nothing but text, I guess Mystique didn’t want kids to see any images of the game despite the kids just being able to plug the cart in and play away, if they have the manual they have the cartridge. The only other piece of paperwork inside the box is a registration/warranty card that you would fill out and send to Mystique, and they were asking the hard questions with this thing such as if you had a VCR or home computer, how old you were (the lowest age is 21), if you were married or single, how many kids you owned, and how many TV’s you had in the house, the real heavy hitters.

The cartridges are Custom Mystique branded Activision-style carts, nothing generic here, but instead of having the wraparound label like Activision carts the labels are separate on the Mystique carts. The labels are of incredibly high quality and shiny enough to see reflections in, and simply feature the box art as we’ve come to expect. The only really unique thing are the strange PVC and leather (I assume) cartridge cases that you put the cartridges in to put inside the box, they seems extremely unnecessary if a kid wants it they’ll get their hands on it somehow, this little plastic case won’t stop them. I guess it was to put off an air or quality and mystique (HAH!) to draw in the adults, but here’s one major complaint I have with the things, did they have to make the fit so darn tight? I feel like I’m going to break the cart every time I try to take it out, emphasis on try.

Overall the Mystique boxes make for an exotic addition to any collection; they’ll just add that little bit more WOW factor that some collections so dearly need. Would I recommend you go out right now and buy one? Well, no, due to their infamy and rarity finding a fairly priced game is practically rarer than the games themselves. Don’t ever pay more than 65 dollars for any of these games, and that’s including shipping, any more and you’re being ripped off. These are not games you buy to play, they are meant to sit on your shelf and look pretty, and maybe even start a conversation on the rare occasion you have somebody over, any playtime will only to see if the game works then it’s back in the case in the box on the shelf. A collector’s Item for sure.

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