Flack's Daily Smack - An Open Message to McDonalds

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Look -- I appreciate the fact that you are bound and determined to put 32oz of Diet Coke in my 32oz cup. Really, your generosity knows no bounds. But unfortunately for me and my cup holders, a 32oz cup does not hold 32oz of liquid. It holds about 31 1/2 ounces of drink. Before I can even get a straw poked through the pre-cut X in the lid, syrupy goodness begins to bubble its way up through the middle of the lid. The only solution to this is drinking the excess Coke from the top of the lid, lapping up cola like I'm drinking out of a plastic petri dish. While driving. And even after that, jabbing a straw into the lid inevitably sends pop shooting out somewhere. The only true solution is to suck the fluid levels down by puckering up your lips and pressing your mouth against the slit pre-straw insertion, using the same technique (I would imagine) one uses to suck the venom out of a snake wound.

 

I'm okay with forfeiting the extra half an ounce of soda. I can't imagine drinking 31 1/2 ounces of liquid and thinking to myself, "man, if only I had an extra half an ounce ... that would really top me off." The trade off for Coke-free cup holders and a dribble-free shirt each morning would be well worth it.

 

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