Flack's Daily Smack - McPeople

RSS Bot · September 28, 2006

On the way to work this morning I swung through our new neighborhood McDonald's drive-thru to pick up some breakfast. There were three people working at the first window; a supervisor of some sort, the order taker, and the button pusher. As the three employees spoke amonst themselves, I realized that I had no idea what race they were. Their skin was brown, but not too brown. They weren't Indian (Native or Eastern), I don't think they weren't Mexican ... and in fact I'm not sure what they are. And all three of them were the same. Their accents were unique, but unfamiliar.

As I approached the second window, I saw more of the same. Generic-looking people. There was absolutely nothing specific about them -- they all looked the same, had the same smiles ... and then it hit me.

MCDONALDS HAS CREATED THEIR OWN RACE OF PEOPLE.

Think about it. You always hear people say, "I would <i>never</i> work in fast food," and yet McDonald's seems to have no problem in staffing their stores with these nondescript adult employees. There's no real egg in an Egg McMuffin, and they've always been dodgy about what kind of meat is in a Chicken McNugget. They have no doubt been serving synthesized and processed foods for years, and now, I suspect, they've begin creating synthesized and processed employees. There is absolutely no recognizable trait about these people -- no jewelry, earrings, anything that might connect them to a specific group of people. They are completely generic, unoffensive, and artificial.

It makes sense to think about Mayor McCheese less like a mascot and more like a DNA crossbreeding experiment gone horribly wrong. It also explains the playgrounds, which must not be there for the children's enjoyment, but rather as a place where McScientists can study human interaction. Let's face it: joy, sadness, social norms, pecking orders, group dynamcis, all of these things can be witnessed on a regular basis on the average playground.

These are the thoughts I have while driving down the interstate, McMuffin in hand.

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