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Latest Entry
Sealed honeys!
I am dreaming of a sealed games. Fathom, Mr. Do´s Castle and Q- Bert Qubes are coming in my mind!
Mr. Do was sold for 677$ these days and I was the second highest bidder. One the one hand side I am happy that
I wasn´t the winner of this auction on the other hand side I feel sad that I didn´t win?!?!?
HELL YEAH, collecting sealed games isn´t something for the faint hearted among us!
:D I THINK I HAVE TO WAIT FOR ANOTHER 7 YEARS..........
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Mactels On The Horizon
NOTE: This is an old blog entry from over two years ago.
Holy crap! Apple is switching to Intel processors! Didn't see that one coming, and even with all the reliable rumors that were coming out a few days before Apple's yearly World Wide Developers Conference (WWDC) where the official announcement was made, I still found it hard to believe. Intel! While there really aren't too many choices out there for CPUs that Apple can use to build computers, one thing the Apple community seems to pride itself on is that Macs are not based on "inferior" Intel processors.
This is probably one of the biggest changes Apple has ever undertaken and one that has many ramifications for Apple down the road. I have little doubt that hackers will figure out how get OS X to run on commodity Intel boxes, like the ones you can get from Dell for a few hundred dollars, or put together yourself using parts bought online or at your favorite screwdriver shop. When this happens, it will allow anyone to test OS X and get a taste of the kool-aid that Mac users have been drinking for several years now. Will it cause people to switch? Some, maybe, but then, what will "switching" mean? Buying an Intel-based Macintosh, when they can already run OS X on their existing Intel box?
It's always possible that Apple will be able to lock down OS X pretty tightly to their new Intel-based computers. And I don't doubt that they'll try. So this may stop the average person from running OS X alongside their Windows desktop. But it's unlikely to stop the hackers and those who have an insatiable desire to try out OS X but don't want to pay the high price of admission (although, admittedly, that price has come down since the release of the Mac Mini).
I've been using Macs now full-time for nearly two-years, having purchased a G5 shortly after they were available. I have owned Macs in the past (and have some older machines, such as a G4 PowerMac), but until OS X came along, I didn't use them very seriously. These days, I'm able to run just about everything I need on the Mac, and am happier doing so. The exceptions are things like my EPROM programmer, which requires a Windows application. Pretty much the only other thing I use PCs for is for games, one of the weakest aspects of the Macintosh. Some companies, such as Blizzard, are good about releasing Mac versions of their games (for instance,World of Warcraft, which comes in a hybrid Windows/OS X package), but most others don't regard the Mac as a serious games market.
I've always liked the design of Motorola's and the Power PC consortium's chips over Intel's designs, and I'm sure many Macheads feel the same. But I'm also willing to accept that IBM, following in the footsteps of Motorola, made promises to Apple that they simply could not deliver on, and Apple would be hurting soon if they did not act. Their Powerbook line is already suffering from Apple's inability to shoehorn a G5 into laptop form, and with the powerful and power-miserly Pentium M, the Powerbooks are already looking long in the tooth. My guess (although more obvious than anything else) is that Apple will first use Intel parts to help prop up their aging laptops, as the current G5 desktops are running at 2.7Ghz, which is respectable for the time being.
I don't believe this transition will be too difficult for end users, since Apple is making it relatively easy for most apps to be compiled for the Intel version of OS X, and those apps that aren't "fixed" in time can run via Rosetta, which lets PowerPC apps run on Intel boxes, without too severe a performance penalty. However, applications that require machine-specific code to squeeze every ounce of performance out of the machine, such as games, are going to be a big headache for developers. Because these developers will have to ensure their games run properly not just on PowerPC boxes, but also Intel-based Macs. That could mean writing assembly code TWICE, for vastly different chip architectures.
However, headaches aside, this could also see game developers taking the Mac more seriously, as less work may need to be done to get a game running on an Intel-based system. We could see games coming out for the Mac that require an Intel-based Mac. What would be ideal is for Microsoft to port DirectX to OS X. If this happened, it would be a huge boon for gamers using Macs. I'm not going to hold my breath, but makes me wonder if Microsoft has already done this for their Xbox 360 development systems, which run on dual CPU PowerMac G5s (since the Xbox 360 itself is built around a three-core PowerPC part). Again, could be very interesting to see what evolves over time.
While some Mac users have taken this switch over to Intel fairly negatively, I'm mostly indifferent. I'm fairly confident that Apple has carefully thought this through, even with Steve Jobs' visibly rash demeanor. If this change means we'll get faster Macs on a more frequent basis, and especially more powerful Mac laptops, I'm all for it. If it also means that down the road more games will be ported to the Mac, even better. And ideally, if I can run Windows apps (through something like Virtual PC) at "native" speed (as opposed to the snail's pace that Virtual PC runs at now), I'll be thrilled.
I'm optimistic that this will be a good change for Apple in the long term, but it'll be a bumpy road for several years while Apple phases out their PowerPC-based computers. Since it'll be a while before we can even buy Intel-based Macs, I'm not going to spend much time worrying about it. And I don't have any legacy Mac applications I need to worry about porting to Intel OS X, so I won't lose any sleep over that.
I'm just along for the ride.
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Latest Entry
What I do at Atarimania
First of all: I'm not a collector of VCS stuff that's breakable.
In fact, the only VCS related items I own, are a pair of CX40 joysticks that I use for playing and testing VCS games on my PC (with the help of the excellent Stelladaptor).
I did own an Atari 2600 game console once, though.
Back in the early eighties I fell in love with the VCS when I visited a huge toy fair in Amsterdam.
It was August 1983 and the dam of the game console software river was completely busted.
There were dozens of game manufacturers demonstrating hundreds of different game titles and I just couldn't believe my eyes.
Three months later I got my Atari 2600.
I also bought this video game review book, which I still own and cherish:
IMO one of the best video game review books published in Europe back then.
I loved reading all the reviews (especially the ones describing the best and the worst games) and I only spend my money on buying the games that had four or five thumbs up.
Eventually I ended up with these:
Missile Command
(this one came bundled with the console)
Space Invaders (this one too - the first VCS game I ever played on my own console)
Raiders of the Lost Ark (my personal favourite - I found the Ark without reading any hints)
Vanguard (great shooter with a lot of different game screens and... an end of level boss)
E.T. - The Extra-Terrestrial (a mistake - my mother gave it to me for my birthday together with the next two titles)
Swordquest - FireWorld
(I searched high and low for the comic book in Europe, but never found it - fascinating but extremely frustrating game)
Yars' Revenge (highly original action game by Howard Scott Warshaw, the creator of Raiders and E.T.)
Enduro (very addictive racing game - loved the different weather stages)
Pitfall II - Lost Caverns (Crane's masterpiece - an incredible programming achievement on the VCS)
Robot Tank (great game - IMO better than BattleZone)
StarMaster (excellent pseudo 3D space shooter - played it a lot)
Demon Attack (very colourful Phoenix clone with funky sound FX)
Tutankham (I changed this one for Super Cobra after completing it in one afternoon)
Super Cobra 
(I should have kept Tutankham)
Jawbreaker (fast paced Pac-Man game - loved the rotating smilies and the toothbrush-intermezzo)
Marauder (I wanted to buy Berzerk first, but the seller adviced me to buy this one instead - wise seller)
While a friend of mine owned these:
Chopper Command (Defender in the desert)
Space Shuttle - A Journey into Space (complex but brilliantly programmed shuttle simulator)
Riddle of the Sphinx (really liked the puzzle-adventure style of this one)
Donkey Kong (always wondered what the "ducks" in the second level were suppose to be - I now know these are fireballs)
Mouse Trap (cute game - loved the sound FX of this one)
Zaxxon (a shock at first sight - somehow, I expected it to be like the Arcade version)
Certainly not bad games at that time and I really enjoyed playing them a lot, before I sold my Atari 2600 and all my games to someone else (I still regret this action) and stepped over to the Commodore 64 (which I luckily never sold and will never sell).
VCS chapter closed.
Or so I thought...
Fifteen years later, my brother gave me a CD ROM, entitled: "And then there was... The Atari 2600!"
On it was a VCS emulator and some 500 different Atari 2600 game ROMs...
What happened next is described here.
I wanted to share all this gathered information with other VCS enthousiasts and contacted the guys at Atarimania, who immediately offered me a job as a moderator, giving me full access to their database.
I worked almost daily at the Atari 2600 section, updating every single VCS game entry (some 1500 by then) and adding a massive amount of new ones (the database now contains almost 9500 different VCS titles).
This is our site.
This is our team.
And this is what I do at Atarimania:
At least 90% of what you see in the Atari 2600 section of our database was added by me: ROMs, game titles, screenshots, scans, pictures, game info, additional comments, goodies, you name it.
I am not a contributor, I'm the head maintainer of the Atari 2600 section.
Every new VCS ROM or game title that I find or receive is first double-checked for its true existence before it's added to the database and every new scan or picture that's coming in, is first examined for resolution quality and cropped and/or resized by me before I add it to the correct corresponding game title.
In short: I run the Atari 2600 section, just like Franck Palusci runs the Atari 8-Bit section and just like Marko Latvanen runs the Atari ST section.
The site's interface and look is programmed by Franck, but his work relies heavily on the advices, suggestions and demands of the other team members.
Again: I'm not a collector of the real thing, I'm an archivist who is trying to create the world's largest and most accurate Atari 2600 database with the help of many other VCS fans.
Here are our main contributors (to whom I'm much obliged).
Well, that's what I do at Atarimania, folks.
Take care and don't forget: keep those missing scans coming!
Cheers,
Rom Hunter
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J.O.B.
I got a job in Seattle for a major company. I should be getting back to my game once my move is settled, but I have a zillion loose ends to wrap up before doing so.
This job is going to be a defining moment in my career, I think.
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Latest Entry
Back from OVGE and Loved it!
I had the opportunity to attend the Oklahoma Video Game Exhibition (OVGE)--www.ovge.com this past weekend in Tulsa, OK and absolutely LOVED IT!!! A special thanks to Jesse Hardesty and others for putting on a great event! I managed to score some goodies for my collection, including Demolition Herby, and a very minty Qbert's Qubes as well. I picked up two games for my 5200 collection: Mountain King and Decathlon.
I've been chipping away at my Atari collection very actively this past year, especially for the 5200 system. I'm down to 7 games on my list:
H.E.R.O.
Zenji
Zone Ranger
Bounty Bob Strikes Back!
Krazy Shoot-Out
Meteorites
Quest for Quintana Roo
HERO won't be too hard to find, but the others, well, that might put a dent in my pocket book. But, I will actively seek these games out to complete the collection. If you have any of these, shoot me a message and maybe we can make a deal.
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TOEJAM ANYONE?
Toejam and Earl for Sega... anyone remember that game.. It was so rediculously fun... I started thinking about it the other day... some how i have the case and booklet and no game... UURRGHHH...
I loved when they would get mowed over by the grocery cart pushing mom and kid.. or the nerds... LOL... the lawn mower guy.. or the dreaded ice cream man... wow, what a fun game...
Anyone have an extra copy for sale??
SI
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Picked it up again
This past year I finished my thesis, had a second child and moved on from my old job. Kids are crazy, the commute is long for ND. I drive 85 miles to work every day. That's probably nothing for CA or NY people, but it's a ways for this place.
Anyway, I've been feeling a bit nostalgic these days, which caused me to take a gander at some of the 2600 designs I did a few years back. So I started back programming for the 2600 again. Picking up where I left off, I started working on a kernel that would allow me to create a set of "Table Top" sports games. You know, like table top hockey.
I have become a bit rusty, and couldn't remember half the crap I once knew. However, Andrew Davies' 2600 Programming for Newbies helped me out a lot, and I found all my old links... and I have to say, the latest version of DASM, seems to be better than I remember it. I built it on my OSX Leopard machine, which I'm actually comfortable doing these days because I mostly work in HPC linux environments.
So I poured myself into it this weekend, probably risked pissing off my wife a bit. My 4yo daughter was a bit angry with me too as I slept in late... really late... as I was up all night working on it. This morning when I got up... I still had 1/2 hour before noon... I realized that I probably can't work on it as much as I did this weekend... So you know, not sure when I'll have another chance to work on the code again.
So I designed a pretty cool Table Top Quidditch kernel... or drew it out as a picture based on what I remembered about the TIA's capabilities.... and ended up having to drop half the features once I tried to implement it. I obviously didn't remember how limited it really is. Boy, don't ya just wish the 2600 sprites had x,y positioning? Well, I knew it didn't do that, but jeez it's so much harder to position sprites than I remember.
So anyway, here's a screen capture of what I was able to implement. Hopefully, I'll get a chance to work on it further sooner rather than later. What do you think? Has it really been six years since I first joined Atari Age. Sometimes I feel old.
Aaron
Oh yeah, try out the binary... it doesn't do much except draw the image you see below.
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ICQ support dropped
Due to last protokol changes ICQ repeatedly kept my messenger offline.
But instead of installing the ad-blown original ICQ client, i'll completely
drop my usage of ICQ and AIM instant messaging.
I am sick of this shit. ICQ was great stuff, until AOL buyed them.
Contact me over Jabber: xbeetle@googlemail.com/Home
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Trade your Old Edtris For a NEW EDTRIS! LOOK!
Edtris Couldn't Look Any Better! A+++
You can trade in your old Edtris for a Totally Remastered Edtris! Check it out!!!
http://www.chasethechuckwagon.com/item.cgi...item=0000002158
http://cgi.ebay.com/Tetris-Atari-2600-Vide...1QQcmdZViewItem
I am simply offering the game that is shown, which is a visually remastered version of Edtris. Also, with that order you will recieve a copy of the Edtris Instructions. I have offered people the option of sending in there old edtris games to get a deal off of the total price.
The CPK game comes with the game, placed in side an original coleco cart and shown with a visually remastered cart, as you can see in the picture.
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Systems I own & enjoy.
After reading JBoy's blog about systems that didn't make through his selling extravoganza, I posted a reply about my systems that I have sold off. I also thought that it would be fun to share what systems that made it through my screening process and onto my must own list.
Atari 2600 - This is my largest collection with 186 games and no doubles. It is also one of my favorite systems to collect and play.
Odyssey 2 - This is an overlooked system that has many fun and cheap games.
Colecovision - I love the Colecovision with it's many great arcade ports. Seeing as I am the Colecovision HSC moderater it seems fit that I own this sytem.
Atari 800XL - I have a very small collection of games for this newly acquired system (2 games) but it has a huge library of games and is fun to learn to program for.
NES - My second system that I owned I will never be able to part with my NES because of too many fond memories and great games.
Genesis - Another system that I grew up with in my High School years I just can't part with this awesome system.
Sega CD - Some people might not like this system but it has lots of gems if you know where to look. The games are also very easy to burn to CD so I own about 200+ burnt games.
PS2 - Has some fun RPG's and acts as my PS1.
Game Boy - My favorite portable console.
Game Boy Color - Another good portable.
Game Boy Advance/SP - Another good portable.
Nintendo DS Lite - Has lots of great games for it.
Gamecube - I love the games for this system. It's currently in my daughters room because I use the Wii for my Cube playing now.
Wii - My favorite system of the 3 next gen consoles.
Donkey Kong arcade - It doesn't get better then playing DK on the real deal.
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In Search of the True Modulus (an epic)
So, at my office, we like to argue about programming concepts. Usually I bring them up as they relate to math, since I know more stupid little things about math than my co-workers, whereas they have a great deal more experience than me in just about everything else since they're all 30ish and have one foot in the grave. Anyway, here's a question (paraphrased) I posed to an interviewee:
In PHP and JavaScript (and probably other languages), the modulus operator is not implemented correctly. Mathematically speaking, it should always return a positive integer, regardless of the operand (or whatever the thing on the left is called). For example,-5 % 7
should give us 2, but instead it gives us -5. Write a function that correctly calculates the modulus given an operand (or whatever the thing on the left is called) and a modulus (the thing on the right).
Sadly, the interviewee was... misfortunate, and couldn't solve this, even though I practically wrote the answer on the white board.
An answer (in PHP):
function truemod($num, $mod) { $return = $num % $mod; if ($return < 0) { $return += $mod; } return $return; }The follow-up to this (what I thought was a decidedly easy) question was going to be, "now do it without a conditional."
An answer (in PHP):
function truemod($num, $mod) { return ($mod + ($num % $mod)) % $mod; }We didn't quite get that far, however, since the interviewee gave up instead of translating "-5 + 7" (what I wrote on the board as I was trying to prod him into an answer) into a function.
Anyway, I had run into this problem before, mainly when dealing with calendars, and had to hack my way to a solution. I brought it up to my coworkers, and what followed was a heated argument about whether "Tommy is wrong because -5 % 7 in Java is -5" (paraphrased). Since my coworker was slightly belligerent, and I found it kind of insulting, I gave him the mathematical answer, which is correct-ish, since I took group theory two and a half years ago and haven't used it since:
Consider Z7, the group of integers modulu 7 (co-workers: "What's a group?"), i.e. [0,1,2,3,4,5,6]. Notice the lack of negative numbers (co-workers: "What about 7?"). An additive identity is an element in the group 0 such thata + 0 = a
.
An additive inverse is an element in the group b such that
a + b = 0
(co-workers: *stunned silence*).
Now, since Z7 is a group, that means it's closed under addition, and hence the sum of 5 and 3 must also be in the group. But since 5+3 = 8 is not in the group, we take the modulus of 8 to get 1 (co-workers: "I told you can only take the modulus of positive numbers..."). Z7 is also closed under subtraction, so 3 - 5 must also be in the group, but it can't be -2, since -2 is not in the group. So we use the notion of additive inverses and discover that the additive inverse of 2 is 5, so 3 - 5 = -2 = 5 mod 7. Hence, -5 % 7 is 2.
(co-workers: "Tommy is full of crap").
However inaccurate that explanation was, they didn't really buy it, but I only wrote it up to be facetious, and wasn't really meant to be taken seriously.
We ended up finding "bug" reports for both Java and PHP where people were complaining that the modulus operator wasn't accurate: it was returning negative numbers when that's not possible (for the very reasons that I so eloquently stated above). We eventually discovered the reason:
Some languages truncate integer division toward zero, which means that, for example, 15/7 = 2 and -15/7 = -2. Java, PHP, JavaScript, C#, SQL and probably (I don't have a C compiler) C/C++ work this way. These are the languages in which -5 % 7 = -5. Other languages truncate toward negative infinity (i.e. they always take the floor), which means that 15/7 = 2 and -15/7 = -3. Perl, Python, Ruby, Lisp, Haskell and Lua all work this way. These are the languages in which -5 % 7 = 2.
In conclusion, it was a stimulating exercise. Can anybody give examples of other languages and their modulus operators?
Fun time!! Try it yourself! (No, I don't know Haskell; I learned enough of it in 10 minutes to install a compiler and run one command)
PHP: <?php echo -5%7; ?> JavaScript : (why do I need a space there to be able to write "JavaScript" as one word?) alert(-5%7) Java: public class mod { public static void main(String [] args) { System.out.println(-5%7); } } C#: class mod { static void Main(string[] args) { System.Console.WriteLine(-5 % 7); } } SQL: SELECT -5%7 Ruby: puts -5%7 Perl/Python: print -5%7 Lua: io.write(-5%7); Lisp: (mod -5 7) Haskell: -5 `mod` 7 - 10
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Latest Entry
Knee deep in ultra-commons
Well, this last week has seen the direct deposit of my stimulus check. I had planned to use part of it to buy a rather large Atari 5200 lot, but, alas, Uncle Sam took HALF! With my vehicle needing repairs, I have very little to use for my collection. During a trip to Taylor Town Trade Center, I asked one of the game dealers if he had anything new in, to which he replyed "Yeah, I just brought in a whole Rubbermaid tub full of stuff in!" I was ecstatic, as he charges a flat rate of $2 for 2600 games! I started digging away, through the various Combats, Pac-Mans, E.T.s, Space Invaders, and all the carts that we all wind up with when we first get our 2600 systems. After a few minutes, I noticed a pattern: they were ALL commons! Sure enough, the entire container held nothing but them, hundreds of them! Disappointed, I checked the other dealers and found nothing, returning home defeated once again.
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Once more, with teeth.
Thanks for your input guys. Our snake now gets to chew her food.
I've also edited a rock in the lower right foreground that was bugging me and done other tiny paint edits in the background, that you won't notice.
I'm going to stop now, I'm getting all George Lucas with this.
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Atari ST homebrew unheard of?
After many weeks of ordering the software / hardware I need for my 1040ST (thank you Cassidy!) I can now focus on the projects that I have announced in the ST / TT forums. The projects are in the design stages of development and they are already taking shape. I'm excited! While most of my threads haven't received any posts, I have received enthusiastic responses outside the message board about these games.
I'm wondering, though... is Atari ST Homebrew development a touchy subject on these board? I don't know if it’s that or a lack of interest. By looking at the board I can tell that most people don't discuss the possibility of developing for the system.
Case in point:
I recall reading something when I first joined this board; I don't recall which thread it was in -- or the person who wrote it -- but it was mentioned that Atari ST Homebrew development seemed 'strange' or a bit 'taboo' in this community. I certainly hope that this doesn't deter anyone from playing these games! I have already invested a lot of hours during the designing process and it would be a shame if no one played them.
These titles will be sold to the community once completed. I have posted a poll here to gage the interest of these projects. Screenshots will be arriving soon so keep an eye out!
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Pi Day
Today is March 14th. 3/14. Also known as Pi day.
Pi is one of the most important mathematical constants. So important, in fact, that Larry Shaw - known as the "Prince of Pi" - decided to celebrate the number by starting off the "pi day" celebration at San Francisco's Exploratorium. On this day you can eat fruit and pizza pie at the Exploratorium.
Pi is an irrational number. That means it is composed of a sequence of numbers that never repeats. Heck, it's more than that, it's a transcendental number which means its value cannot be reproduced with a finite sequence of algebraic operations using integers. That puts it in a special class since only a few transcendental numbers are known to exist ("e" is another one).
Pi is an obsession to many mathematicians, who have gone to extraordinary lengths to calculate the next digit of Pi. So far Pi has been calculated to 1.24 trillion digits. In other words, it would take a Terabyte disk drive just to hold that number. This is the kind of thing that makes you wonder why they do it. Are they trying to find the impossible "last" digit of Pi? If we calculate Pi to the 10 gazillionth digit would God show up, thank us for our effort and close up shop (like what happened in the Arthur C. Clarke story The Nine Billion Names of God)? Scientists try to cover themselves by saying that, although this level of accuracy for Pi is of little practical use, it contributes to "improving calculating methods". Ya, right. Whatever. We all know the real reason, you geeks.
I have to admit to my own geekiness on this matter. I know Pi to 14 digits from memory: 3.1415926535897 (I swear I didn't look it up). That's nothing compared to a few people I know who've memorized it to 20 or 30 digits.
Pi day is also important to remember because it's the birthday of Albert Einstein, my all-time favorite scientist and personal hero. He was born on this day in 1879 making him 129 years old if he were alive today.
Billy Crystal and Kirby Puckett were born on Pi day. A bunch of other notables were also born on this day too (like the Austrian composer Richard Strauss) but those two stick out in my mind. Mostly because I'm from Minnesota and Kirby played for the Twins (Billy Crystal is notable to me because, well, he's Billy Crystal).
The most important reason I like Pi day is because...well...it's my birthday.
Perhaps I should celebrate by eating some (pizza) pi(e). - 33
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7800 this time!...More of My CIB Collection Pics
My 7800 CIB collection and I have updated my other Gallerys for now with much more to come still but there are some nice Pics Ive added to my Colecovision Gallery as well as My 2600 and 5200 Gallery.
Enjoy
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Internal overhauls
Never even realized I would be spending so much time with this thing!! What started out as a desire to make a few minor fixes is snowballing into one Giant todo list!
Regardless, it is still fun. Even if I don't half know what I'm doing.
It's amazing though all the little quirks and bugs one notices when one has access to the source code. I go to test one thing and notice a small thing here, a small thing there. The record/playback function is one example. First issue is the one I mentioned in the previous log, playbacks would not work cause the random generator was a little too "random". The record/playback is pretty basic. Doesn't do a whole lot but stuff emulator events in array. Thing is it ignores things not related to stick functions so stuff like keyboard presses are not recording. Not really a problem unless your running 5200 mode which relies on keyboard presses to initiate games, etc. Also no analog movement is recorded either. So my little project started off as an attempt to record the 5200 analog motions.
The code uses DWORDS to store the digital values of all four controllers (no analog). Why Dwords? Well because the system relies on masks to quickly store/read all the controller buttons (see below) Each analog direction takes up a word (-32767 to 32767) so you can fit two directions in each Dword. That would be 6 Dwords for each controller (two analog sticks x/y, and l/r triggers), totalling 24 Dwords. Your basically storing eight times as much data as the normal record mode.
The code currently allocates enough space for 10 minutes of recording so adding just the analog stuff alone would kill it. Not good. Well being the Xbox doesn't have a whole lot of RAM and I have a couple other future things in mind that may be memory consuming I decided to come up with something else. At first I came up with this elaborate scheme for squeezing the analog data within the currently saved Dwords. Turns out after 3 hrs of coding I just didn't have space for the l/r triggers. At this point they are not used but I wanted to have room for them if I use this code in the 2600 emulator. So time for plan B! One thing that came to mind is the Atari really only stores paddle and 5200 stick values in a byte so I figured maybe storing that data would be more efficient. Although such code may not work to well on other x-port emulators if they use more than one byte.
So I ran with that. At 1 byte per value I could store two 5200 analog stick values (x/y) in one Dword. The code scans all 4 ports, so two Dwords for all 4 ports aint bad. That leaves two unused Dwords assuming I'm stealing four at a time. Leaving room for any other junk I decide to store. This time I just hacked the code into the 5200 analog read routines and "stole" Dwords from the normal record/playback code. I also threw the same code in the paddle read section for normal computer paddle reads, although that is a little problematic at the time. Once I got the code working, it worked like a charm! So record time is now only cut in half! I went ahead and doubled the mem used for recording to bump it back up to 10. Which means up to 20 minutes if in 8-bit mode and not using paddles. Gotta be able to create those youtube videos!!
This code will come in handy for other emu's that rely on things like mouse (read analog) movement so when I'm done here I can move it over! Only problem left now is capturing those keypresses! This one was a bit of an issue because the record function did not really store them (even if a controller button was assigned to them). It only stores controller "events" and it creates a conflict when you try to store keypresses in there. It gets keycodes confused with controller events. Funny thing is how it is coded makes sense at first but then not so much sense later.
All of this stuff is controlled by masks. So for example stick events would be mapped to 0x01, 0x02, 0x04, 0x08. The front end is set up so keycodes are prefixed with 0x80000000. So for example 0x80000073 would represent the A5200 start button (which is later translated to 0x29, don't even get me going on that). This would confuse the emulator cause any given keyboard code can be confused with a controller code (AND the keycode with x10 and it thinks the fire button was pressed.)
I got to thinking ascii/atascii values are store in a byte. So why not bump up the controller masks so they start a bit higher (say 0x100, 0x200, 0x400, 0x800). That way you can store their values without the emulator getting confused. Anyways I'm pretty sure it will work and it will also allow multiple controller to be bunched up with at least a single keypress. Had it almost working today but I didn't have time to find the joystick code so I could shift the data back 8 bits and call it a day.
Once I get this done I should be set and the emulator should be able to record analog and keypresses as well. Now if I could only get that paddle playback code working.
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One Star Gaming #5
"The Epic Struggle of Bug Versus Pumpkin"
Fire Fly for Atari 2600
The scene for this entry is a long, boring Saturday afternoon. Most of my friends have gone out to have fun without me. I am now home alone with a couple of hours to fill before any chance of human interaction comes my way again. I sit thinking about what I can do to fill this empty, hopeless time. "I know!" I say to myself. "I'll play Fire Fly!"
The above story is true, and it does say a lot about what goes into the brain of your humble blogger. However, before you call me an ambulance, I should note that my game play is for purely intellectual reasons. What, that's even worse than playing it for fun? Oh well, let's move on to the game.
Video game collecting, like most collections of things more than a couple years old, is divided among people who were there and people who weren't. I fit into the latter category. Some of you are old enough to remember all these old games when they still had their boxes and instructions. People my age more commonly buy Atari games without any information about them at all. For many Atari games this is not a problem. The games are usually self explanatory and easy to understand after the first couple of minutes while playing. Fire Fly, however, is somewhat inexplicable. It seems that the more I play this game, the less sense it makes, and unfortunately, deciphering the game's odd premise is the most fun I've had with this game.
Fire Fly is a cheaply made shooter put together by a tiny company that really didn't seem to care. You control some sort of bug that flies to the right and shoots things. There are 5 different things to shoot at, and I imagine that they were supposed to each provide a different kind of challenge. However, they're all basically the same. You just need to position yourself close to the middle and shoot when the time is right. Sometimes you have to get out of the way of projectiles. You keep cycling through these creatures until you are finally brought down or you get bored and turn the machine off. Either way it will probably only take a couple of minutes.
Usually I don't make much out of a mediocre shooter, but what really gets me about this game is the odd premise. The background in this game is completely black except for the flowers at the bottom of the screen. This would imply you are in some sort of a garden. Since the game is insect based I guess I can buy that. The enemies, however, are unlike any bugs I've ever seen. The first screen finds us confronted with a Galaga look-alike with some sort of dot flying around it. If you touch this dot you die. If you keep on flying and ignore it you live. That's about all I can figure. The next screen has what appears to be a flaming pumpkin in a continual state of free fall. It doesn't look happy, and you feel like you're doing it a favor by killing it. The next screen has three creatures that look like devil cats. They are all connected so you only have to shoot one of them. This is followed by what looks like small flies, falling honey pots that don't fight back, and I'm gonna say grasshoppers that look a little bit like kitchen sinks.
In a way this game intrigues me. The hero seems to be a tortured soul. He is stuck in a dark world fighting the same series of strange monsters over and over again. He can never reach the flowers, and even if he were to get that far down he would only appear at the top again. Even the harmless looking characters can bring instant death just by going over to say hello. Yes, the main character certainly is trapped in a lonely world for which he can't escape.
Or is that me? After I played this game on that fateful Saturday I quickly called up my friends and ventured back out into the real world. It was nice breathing in the fresh air again. The sun was shining and the birds were singing. This game really helps put life back into perspective. If that's what you're looking for in a gaming experience than I highly recommend this game. However, if you're looking for an entertaining shooter, than I recommend just about anything but this.
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Updates
Well its been a fairly busy couple of days, been continueing to mess around with the various playfield settings.
been reading through the stella archive again - theres some quality information on that list. many of the questions i had have been asked and answered already there.
Been reading through the dissasembled game files again, alough i dont understand everything stuff like initilisation, screen setup are all going to be fairly standard (otherwise its not going to look nice lol).
its intresting how diffrent the code is though, your have 2 guys solve the same problem (say a high score) in completely diffrent ways. Im adding these to my notes. hopefully when i get a full understanding (or as best i can) i can get a nice source book on how diffrent programmers handled common issues in the games.
(add that to list of vaporware ideas).
Have been ebaying again and managed to get some taiwan carts, and a few dactar multi carts.
Hopefully my 2600 when it finaly turns up will be working, however it was one of thoes "untested" units i found on ebay. so i will probably be getting a replacement board.
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there's a giant rat in this pizza joint
and of course,im talking about chuck e cheese. i told my son that any rodent that big is a rat,he said,no he is a mouse,stop dad.anyways,we went to go showbiz pizza yesterday eve(i refused to call it chuck e cheeze)and the kids had fun.i was pretty tired,and ready to get home when i seen it,a jungle hunt arcade game in the gameroom area.i couldnt believe they still had one.that was cool.while the kids were playing,i was glued to the game.my wife barely got me out of there.i was,and am still shocked to see a classic like that still in use at a place like that.the showbiz pizza near us doesnt have any classic coin ops(we were out of town,in law crap)i wonder if any other showbiz(chuck e cheeze) has classics like that?wonder if they would sell me that stand up...
as im typing,the indianapolis colts just lost there playoff game to the chargers.no repeat super bowl for the colts
getting ready to watch the dallas game next,im more of an afc guy,so im gonna pick up/move some stuff around my gameroom while watching the game. my gameroom has some serious lack of shelving problems,and my bitter half(i meant better half,really i did
)wants me to either pack away/sell off some of my stuff.i cant see me selling to much,maybe my nes stuff,as i usually play my xbox to play nes games(yes,its modded,get over it purist )i have cut down my snes collection for the same reason,(thanks for the big purchases ghost soldier)and i still have about 25 snes games im keeping because i perfer to play those certain games on an original snes system/controller then the xbox controller. -
Latest Entry
Chicken Pox
I had the chicken pox once.
So, I started investing in the excavation industry.
Now, I own all of the calomines in the world.
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Disney World,FL Fast Track
Disney World is ssoo cool. They have a bunch of cool rides. They have this 1 ride called Track. You're in this race type car. There's a back seat. It's like a convertible. There's a rowbar between the front & back seats. First,they test the wheels of the car. You ride over a series of puffed tile bumps,in the road. Then,they test for the brakes.They stop the car,ever 2 feet.Alot of jerking. Then they make you go around curves,checking for durability. Then this 18 wheeler log truck comes at you,with it's lights & horn.You almost crash into it. But you don't. You swerve & miss it. Then they test for weather proofing. They send you to a room,with light rain. Another room,with cold air,blowing.Another room with extreme heat lamps. Lastly, they test to see how tough the car is. There is a brick wall. You drive right up to the wall.You think,you gonna crash & get hurt.But you don't.They raise the wall & you drive around the building at top speed,which goes off the speedometer. It is a fun fun fun ride.
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PC (IBM/Clones): Wing Commander
Some of you might not have known this, but without a doubt, Wing Commander is one of if not my favorite PC game of all time. I guess the simple reason behind this is the fact that it was the first computer game I played that really put me in the shoes of the character completely. I felt like I was the one in that cockpit blowing away the bad guys to save mankind and restore peace. Cliched...yes. But the music, sounds, and graphics were so blended together perfectly that I've not felt the same with any other games since. Below is my complete review of this excellent space fighting sim from the masters of the once great Origin Systems and Chris Roberts. Enjoy...
Title = Wing Commander
Platform = Multiple (IBM PC version reviewed)
Genre = Space Fighter Sim
Released = 1990
Players = 1
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"Star-date 2654.122 - 15, April 2654:
Only been about 3 months now that I have been stationed onboard the Tiger's Claw. Seems much longer than that. Yesterday was a good day for me. That is, I didn't bite it on the end of a Kitty dart. Man, the flight deck chief was sure pissed about those busted cannons on my Raptor. Perhaps he wouldn't have been nearly as upset if I hadn't managed to get both neutron guns destroyed. I guess those must cost the Terran Confederation a bundle a piece to produce. Well, after yesterdays nearly botched patrol run, I think the price of two neutron cannons makes up for the price of my life. After all, ships are replaceable, good pilots are not. Sometimes the upper echelon of ranks forgets that. Oh well, can't dwell on that now...I have to get my report from yesterdays patrol flight written up to justify my actions. Someday this whole war will be over and I can go home back to Proxima. Okay... so on my damage report I have one wasted acceleration absorber, one rather nicely well done electrical system. I can't forget those two lovely sparking metal hollow pylons that used to be my neutron cannons. And I think the left ion drive was leaking coolant. Oh! Can't forget the garbled flight recorder, which is the whole reason I am having to do this stupid report. And... Damn! The Klaxons are going off again. I better finish this up later and get to the briefing room. I hope Col. Halcyon has a milk run for me this time after the fireworks I went through yesterday..."
- From the "Diary of 1st Lieutenant Todd Marshall "Maniac"
The above excerpt was inspired and created from none other than one of the greatest all time games ever made for the PC system. That game is none other than Wing Commander. In Wing Commander you take on the role of Christopher Blair the new young rookie aboard the Tiger's Claw. In truth the first and second games let you choose your own last name and call sign. In the later games, only your call sign can be changed. Wing Commander is a space/combat/opera tour de force that at the time the game was made, took graphics and sound to a place they hadn't been before in the IBM world. Wing Commander is all about the war against the cat like alien race known as the Kilrathi. The Kilrathi are a warrior race and seek only complete and total control of the known explored universe. Earth which lies in the Sol system is of course a tasty target for these ill-tempered kitties. Wing Command specifically starts the game off at a time when the war isn't going so swell for the humans. And that is what we try to change as our character in the game. To save Earth from the impending invasion of the Kilrathi. The plot for Wing Commander certainly isn't a new one. But the game did take this plot and expand and add to it in a way that no other game had before its' time.
Wing Commander plays primarily from a first person view from the cockpit of your fighter. However, the game includes other modes of camera views so that you can view the action and pilot from a third person behind the ship view. Also in the game the player has the ability to actually look left, right and behind from within the cockpit. This was really something, which added to the realism of the game. From the cockpit we play and fight and communicate to both our wingman and enemies. Yes, that is correct, Wing Commander marks as the first game I can think of to give the player the ability to taunt the enemy during combat and really ruffle the fur of a Kilrathi pilot during a dogfight. In Wing Commander we play out various missions, which are very linear in order. However, the success or failure of a mission determines the overall mission path the player takes and eventually leads to one of two possible endings. If we aren't fighting it out with fur balls in the cockpits, then we are chatting and getting more plot story progression or helpful advice from our wingmen and peers. At the beginning of the game and after each mission, you start off in the pilot lounge. Here you can get the latest gossip from the barkeep or swap stories and advice from other pilots on board the Tiger's Claw. Many times what the elder pilots have to say can mean the difference between life and sucking vacuum in the game. Once done with the chatter you progress to the briefing room to actually get your next mission briefing and start the mission.
The graphics in Wing Commander may seem very simplistic and perhaps even ugly to the new player of today's 3D accelerated cards and fancy bump mapped textured polys. But rest assured that while Wing Commander may be seventeen years old, it still holds its own pretty well. For starters the game play in the cockpit is first person but flight and combat take place in a virtual 3D space environment. This means that enemies can be literally behind and slightly above you in the game...or that you can dive and come up and fire on the belly of the enemy ships. The amazing part of this is how well the 3D effect is actually accomplished! The geniuses behind Wing Commander, Origin, actually made small-scale models of all the ships in the game and then ray traced them graphically into the game. This means that the actual ships themselves are only 2D sprites on the screen, but the game will change their appearance during play to actually appear as if they are 3D. Which means you can see a ship from various angles simply by flying around it. This transition of graphics is super smooth and the images of the ships themselves will suddenly change from one view to another. But the effect still looks very convincing and the models themselves are still fairly highly detailed and realistic looking. Another excellent realistic point to the graphics in Wing Commander is that, throughout the game you fly in a variety of different ships.
As you fly each ship the cockpit will take on a new and drastically different appearance than the other ships. This gives each ship their own weakness and strengths in an area I hadn't ever seen demonstrated before in a game. Specifically, since the cockpit of each ship looks different so too is the area of visibility from inside each ship. This lends an area of reality that I don't think I've seen replicated as well except on the sequals. So a ship that may not have much armor or shields tends to be the fastest, more manuevrable, and gives the best visibility. Whereas a larger ship with more armor, guns, and shields, will have less visibility, speed and manuerability due to the extra size of the ship, gun placements, and armor. Also the graphics for the left, right, and back views change as well to match. The only static graphic in the game is the pilot's seat. Truly, it was a step above and beyond in computer game graphics in the early 90s. The graphics inside the Claw between missions where you hang out with the crew and talk are a bit less impressive. For instance there is a very cartoon like look to the people aboard the Tiger's Claw. Even during the mission briefing screens, the graphics look very much like Saturday morning. However, there are a few places in the game where actual motion capturing was done and makes the animation of the people or cut scenes in the game look very impressive. Take the scramble scene after each briefing as a prime example. Also the animation of the pilot as he puts on his helmet and cockpit canopy comes down just before you launch was simply jaw dropping at the time. Even today as I go back and fire up my rusty Pentium 200 legacy gaming machine, I find a very pleasing look to the graphics of Wing Commander. Rest assured they are impressive for a game of the early 90s era and I still think hold up pretty well today.
The difficulty in Wing Commander is pretty well balanced. The game starts off with fairly laid back standard patrol run missions with just a few light Kilrathi fighers to take out to help you get used to the controls. But as you progress in the game, the missions can become exceedingly difficult ,almost to the point of insanity! I can't tell you how many times I would blurt out a colorful 4 letter expletive when my Drayman 'sport would get iced. Or how much abuse my mouse would get with my repeating banging on the desk fits when flak burst from a nasty Ralari jumping in from nowhere suddenly takes me out. Yes, Wing Commander has its love and hate moments. But that is what I really love about the game and makes me keep playing. The missions themselves are nice in that there are several varieties of missions you may get. The most basic and common mission types are patrol runs. These have you fly out to several Nav points and clean up any bad kitties you find there. Or if you find something too large to handle, like a Cap ship... you afterburner your butt back to the Claw. Some of the most exciting missions are strike missions where you and your wingman join up with a destroyer or other wingmen to play seek and destroy with a Kilrathi cruiser. But then some of the most boring and difficult missions are escort missions. Most of these entail flying to a rendezvous Nav point and meeting some transport or helpless destroyer that is near death to escort them out system to another jump point or back to the Claw. There will always be Kilrathi ships waiting in ambush somewhere along the way to take out the ships. And this is where they become most difficult. As an already damaged destroyer or transport needs only a few missiles or well placed gunshots to take it down, and that would mean failure of the mission. Not to mention that just flying to the various Nav points during your missions can be a real exercise in flight skill as you may often fly through asteroid belts or even zones of space that are filled with Kilrathi mines. Still the missions are addicting and even the escort runs keep you coming back for more when you fail them the first time.
The control in Wing Commander is very tight. The game makes use of several control schemes for playing the game. You will always need the keyboard to execute a few things such as your communications to your wingmen or for changing views & weapons in game. In addition actual control of your ship can be done with the keyboard, mouse, or a good analog joystick. I actually played the game my first time through using mouse and keyboard combo. And while difficult to fly with a mouse at first...it soon became second nature and quite intuitive. It may seem difficult to use both keyboard and joystick or mouse at once, but rest assured the keys make sense and aren't difficult to find during combat. For instance to change guns you press "G". To select the next Nav point you press "N". To talk to wingmen or harass the kitties in space you press "C". Also the controls are great in that ships respond instantly to commands and do not lag. Controlling with the keyboard is the least desirable method as the keyboard is a digital control device, which means little to no small adjustments while flying. Also each ship you fly in Wing Commander behaves differently depending on the main role of the ship your flying; Like the Hornet, which is a fast & agile close support recon fighter. Or the big and burley Raptor, which boasts some great firepower and armour but lacks speed and agility. All in all the controls for Wing Commander really fit well with a simple to remember keyboard scheme that isn't overly complicated and provides tight and responsive controls when flying your fighter in space.
"Boom! Bizzt! Crackle! Pop!" No, these are not the sounds coming from my bowl of Rice Krispies. It is the sound coming from my cockpit since I have lost most of the instruments! For anybody with an old school original SoundBlaster, Adlib, or the ultimate, the MT-32/LAPC-1 audio cards, Origin did an absolutely fantastic job with the sound and music in Wing Commander. You know the first time you start this game it will be an experience to behold since the first thing on the screen is a picture of Earth with the silhouette of an orchestra in the foreground. A conductor stands proudly and taps on his stand. Then the Origin fanfare music bursts to life and the orchestra fades away to a flying Origin logo that ends with a display of fireworks! No I am not making this up, this is how the game actually begins. This intro for just the Origin logo alone tells you that you are about to witness something new and exciting. Then the sound of laser blaster fire can be heard along with the sound of metal being hit and then finally a "Boom!" A enemy Kilrathi Drathi (Pancake ship) is turned into a collection of debris on screen. Followed by the flying in of the Wing Commander logo and then the music. Ahh...the music! Yes Wing Commander still stands today as my favorite main title song of any game I have every played. The master himself known as George Sanger A.K.A. the Fatman composed the music. George is also responsible for the soundtrack of many other great games such as Loom, 7th Guest, Thin Ice etc. The music changes in the course of your mission as events unfold. The music can often tell you when you have lost a wingman or when the mission has just turned South for the worst. Or the brass fanfare as you take out the last enemy ship and bring a mission to a successful close. There is music in the bar as you talk with your ship mates and the scramble music still pumps me up and readies me for action! The music used in the final cinematic and awards ceremonies still sends chills down my spine! It is unlike the music of most games today. It simply has to be heard to be believed. The music is not the only wonderful sound to come from this game. The sound effects themselves are worthy of many awards and accolades. There is a different sound for each gun type. Explosions will sound bigger and bolder when capital ships are taken out. Even the sound of my armor being stripped away from enemy gunfire lets me know that my last moments won't be dull on my ears. The sound is so complete in this game in fact, that on the save game screen (An awesome touch if I say so myself) there is the sound of dripping water into a bucket from an overhead leaky cooling line. There isn't any speech in the game as that would come later in Wing Commander II. But the sounds that are present sound very realistic and well done. The only sound that is weak compared to the rest, is the sound of the missile launches themselves. It sounds as if someone just puckered their lips and blew air out from their mouths. But I quickly overlook this when that satisfying *Boom!* erupts the ship in front of me and turns it into kitty bits.
Wing Commander... I really can't say enough about this game but I do have to draw this review to a close. This game has a huge replay factor. While the missions won't change unless you do fail or succeed, Origin added lots of other touches to keep you coming back. For starters there is the multiple mission path. Basically if you fail most of the missions in a given sector, then the game will progress towards the bad ending path of the game. However, you can amend this with doing well on most of the missions in the next sector which takes you back towards the path of the good ending. Figuring out which are the best paths to take for the most number of missions is a real challenge. It is possible to average about 20-24 missions for a complete game. The real aces can finish this game in a short 18 missions. Also the in game cut scenes every so often will change depending on your performance throughout the game. Perhaps the biggest replay factor for me in the game is the fact that while the missions are handed out in a very linear way, how you actually fly the missions is not. For instance, the game usually will put the easier foes to encounter towards the beginning of the mission and save the real fur flying fests for the later Nav points or while heading back to the Tiger's Claw. Knowing this, you can semi cheat by going to the last Nav points first and take out the bigger opposition waiting there while you still have most of your missiles and armor left. This is especially handy during escort missions. I've found that the ship your escorting will fly the Nav points in order regardless of whether you do or not. This is handy as it allows you to fly ahead to the later Nav points, taking out the enemy and ambushing the ambushers while the ship your escorting is safely traveling through non infested nav points. This is just one of many little tricks I have found while playing through this game and finding as many ways as possible to complete mission objectives. The game rewards you for good piloting through award ceremonies and the kill board. After each mission good or bad your commanding officer Col. Halcyon will debrief you the highlights or mistakes of your mission flown. On certain key critical missions, outstanding performance can lead to pretty nifty award ceremonies where the Colonel will personally pin a medal for your bravery and excellence. There is no two-player mode in Wing Commander but this isn't needed as Wing Commander is supposed to be more of a space opera than anything, and so it is a story told through your eyes and actions. So there we have it... Great graphics, great control options, great sound and a damn blast to play make Wing Commander one of my favorite games ever to grace the PC scene. Finding this game today will be quite tricky as Wing Commander has a fanbase all its own. You can probably pick the game up for a decent price on Ebay. But be advised that even if you do find a copy of the game, you need an older computer to play it that you can turn the speed down on. Wing Commander was designed during the height of the 286 and lower 386 era. That said, anything faster than a 486 SX33 is really too fast to make this game playable. There is software available to slow down the CPU processes for today's higher end PCs. But you might check the BIOS on your old PC and see if you can turn off the cache options. Especially the level 2 cache as turning if off will creep the math to a halt on the cpu and allow Wing Commander to be playable without the use of slow down programs. On my old P200, turning off the L2 cache takes it to a 286-30mhz speed demon. Also note that most copies of Wing Commander were sold in the 5 1/4 inch high-density disk format and the game needed a full 640k of memory and loves about 2 megs of expanded memory if you have it. Be careful to leave plenty of room on the hard drive as this beast of a game does way in at some 12 or so megabytes once installed. If you're lucky and should happen to find a copy of Wing Commander: The Kilrathi Saga, then you should immediately put it in the post and sent it to me! Sierously, Wing Commander is one heck of a game and if you haven't ever played the series, you should find a way to play the first one. Wing Commander is the one game that finally made my Amiga loving friends finally break down and admit that PC gaming was not only catching up to the Amiga but had finally surpassed it.
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Graphics = 9 (The ships lack some detail and are pixellated up close, But otherwise the is a visual feast! )
Sound = 10 (Music is excellent, Sound is excellent, just excellent!)
Controls = 8 (Controls are tight and responsive, but keyboard combo with joystick or mouse might be combersome to some)
Challenge = 9 (Starts of slow and laid back at first, but can be satisfyingly frstrating on the later levels)
Replay = 9 (Varied missions offer a nice mix, and the ability to play them as you want is great!)
Overall -^CB^- grade = 9 (One of the best PC games of the early 90s ever!)
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despair
So I move Monday, which makes it official. I'm not a teacher anymore.
I really hate that. I'm really good at explaining things, and I get along well with my students (particularly the bad ones) not as a friend or anything but as an adult they can trust and learn from and joke around with sometimes. I'm not nearly this good at anything else I do. I feel like I was put on this earth to teach, and now I'm quitting. It feels terrible. I know that in theory I'm going back to grad school to get a PHD in Educational Research so that I can actually make a positive impact on education in this country, but right now it just feels like I'm giving up. When I started teaching I wanted to make a difference in the lives of students who didn't have very much. I deliberately chose poor schools in large cities with bad demographics because I know that they don't get the good teachers very often and I wanted them to have the opportunities other students had, at least as much as I could provide. But I burned out. I can't deal with what I'm being asked to do anymore. I can't teach like that anymore , and I feel that I failed my students by not continuing. I wish I could know that my students would get a teacher who'd know how to teach them grammar, and make sure they were taught at least one novel, and harass ALL of them into writing at least one paper no matter how many months in took, but I know that they won't. The guilt is crushing.
On the other hand, leaving teaching means that my stress level will come down. It already has. I've started eating again and sleeping through the night (or most of it anyway). I know that no matter how hard grad school is, I won't be coming home crying anymore and I'll actually have some time to make friends and, oh, leave my house every once in a while even. I just wish I didn't feel like I was sacrificing their futures to make myself happier.
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